After years of marriage, the time has come to make a change. You believe so, your spouse believes so, or you both believe it is time to move on. Suddenly, your lives are turned upside down. You may be overwhelmed by the prospect of divorce and stunned to find yourselves untying the knot. How do you respond?
If you are typical, you suffer great pain and confusion. Few aspects of the legal process are more agonizing and provoke more controversy than family law problems. Emotions run high. Many lives depend on the outcome of the case and upon the manner in which the case is conducted. Among the critical issues involved in a divorce case are: the welfare of the children; the needs of the dependent spouse; and the need of the supporting spouse to meet obligations and continue with a productive life.
Over the next few weeks, this column will discuss, from a client’s perspective, how to confront many of the legal challenges that arise when divorce appears on a couple’s horizon. The early stages of the process are often emotionally staggering, yet many crucial decisions must be made.
Here are eight helpful rules of thumb for when your spouse says “divorce”:
This week, we’ll take a look the first two on the list. Marriages and family are the heart and soul of civilization as we know it. However, not all marriages work. If you do experience problems in your marriage, before deciding upon divorce, consider going with your spouse to a marriage counselor. Many people think that seeing a marriage counselor is foolish or a waste of time. But an experienced marriage counselor can help identify reasonable changes that can be accomplished to preserve a marriage.
If you are determined to divorce (or, if your spouse is so determined), you must find the right lawyer to represent you.
How you go about selecting an attorney varies. You can call a friend or relative for recommendations. If you don’t know anyone to ask for recommendations, contact the local bar association in your community. There are also a number of publications that list attorneys and describe their backgrounds. For example, Martindale-Hubble, a multi-volume reference that lists most lawyers and presents biographical sketches, can be accessed in law firms and law schools, some public libraries, and on the Internet.
The most important requirement in retaining a lawyer in a domestic case is that you meet the lawyer and satisfy yourself that the lawyer is competent and desirable to represent you. If you believe the case is one that cannot be resolved and will go to court, satisfy yourself that the lawyer has the capability of serving you well in the courtroom. You must also be able to communicate comfortably with your attorney.
To form an opinion about an advocate, you need to ask detailed questions and get detailed answers. Start by inquiring about his or her trial experiences. Ask to see if the lawyer has any transcripts, or ask the lawyer to describe how he or she asks questions in court. You can learn about the attorney’s skills outside the courtroom by asking him or her about the out-of-court settlements he or she has negotiated.
Do not hesitate to interview more than one lawyer. At the end of the process, you should be fully convinced that you’ve found the best person for your case and circumstance. There is nothing worse in a divorce case than realizing you have selected the wrong lawyer to represent you.
Bear in mind that there are attorneys who concentrate in only family law problems. Sometimes a specialist has much to offer. Other times the specialist may have a restricted view of a problem and lack a broad background in general litigation, which could be important if your case does go to court. Though it isn’t necessary to select a lawyer who specializes in domestic cases, you do want someone who knows domestic law and has tried domestic cases. Whoever you hire should understand how the court system operates with respect to procedures and scheduling of domestic cases.
Once you are satisfied that you have selected the right lawyer, you should assure yourself that this lawyer will be accessible when you call. But, remember, in most instances you will be charged an hourly rate, so save for a friend or psychiatrist those calls that are really seeking emotional support. Only call your lawyer for legal advice and guidance.
Fees in domestic cases can be very high. It is important that you enter into a fee arrangement with your attorney, and it is indispensable that this agreement be in writing. Bear in mind, if you are the economically dominant spouse in the relationship, you may be required to contribute to your spouse’s attorneys’ fees and costs as well.
A way of minimizing legal fees is for your attorney and your spouse’s attorney to work together with you and your spouse to agree to as many facts as you can. For example, at issue may be the value of certain assets, such as real estate. Rather than each party hiring an appraiser, it may be reasonable to each agree on one appraiser and use his or her opinion of value as opposed to fighting over a high or low appraisal report. If you are the economically dominant spouse, this step may save you money. It also saves money for the economically dependent spouse. Money that would otherwise be paid by the dominant spouse for fees and costs can be used for child support, alimony or marital award.
For husbands and wives who have just decided to end their marriage, it can be hard to focus on the minutiae of fee arrangements, appraisals, and a lawyer’s qualifications. But as painful as this period can be, the decisions made early in the divorce process will play a role in the outcome of the case — and in the parties’ separate futures.